Mar 29 2005

Fictionlet

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“Hey!” said Greg. “The sky just dripped on my nose!”

Brigid raised one eyebrow — but just the one. “Doi. Overcast days have been known to do that. It’s called rain.”

“It’s bloody rude.”

“Eh?”

“Well!” said Greg, crossing his arms and looking determined, “if I went around dripping on people, they’d get really cheesed off! It’s a double standard, I say!”

“Yuck,” Brigid replied. “There’s an image that’ll come back to haunt me later.”

-The Gneech

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Mar 28 2005

Fictionlet

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Greg stared at the mug of cocoa sitting on his chest and said, “You know, sometimes I wish I was sexy. But then I wonder what I would do with it if I was.”

“Hmm?” said Alex, fingers tapping away on his laptop. “What are you going on about over there?”

“Brigid’s right,” Greg told him. “I don’t know a thing about love. A lot of codependent frippery, that’s what I know about. Disappointment, resentment, longing, and jealousy, that’s what I know about. I’m a sad case, that’s my opinion.”

“Well then,” said Alex. “Write about that.”

“No! Of course I’m not going to write about that! Who’d want to read it?” Greg lifted the cocoa and sat up from his slump on the couch. “Besides, it’s so cliché!”

“Maybe it would help somebody else feel like they weren’t quite as alone,” Alex suggested.

“Bah,” said Greg. “Nobody morose is ever alone, all they’ve got to do is look around. I want to brighten up the place, not revel in my own pathos.”

Alex shrugged, and continued typing. “Well then, I guess you’ll have to get out there and fall in proper love, won’t you?”

Greg rolled his eyes. “Thank you, that’s a terrific plan. But look at me! I’m as attractive as day-old bread.”

“Oh, I dunno,” Alex chuckled. “Even day-old bread can be cute if it’s cut into animal shapes.”

Greg blinked. “That’s possibly one of the most surreal things you’ve ever said to me,” he commented.

“Well, I’ve been taking notes when you weren’t looking.”

-The Gneech

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Mar 23 2005

Fictionlet

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“Are you clueless?” Greg said, putting on his kitschiest falsetto bass. “Do you feel lost in a world of people who know the score? Or perhaps you have moronic friends and loved ones!”

“Yeah, you could say that,” said Brigid.

Greg grinned and pointed at her. “Then you need DIAL-A-CLUE! This revolutionary new service will smack you or a loved one upside the head with a clue-by-four, enabling you to get a grip on the world around you. Get a clue for the whole family! It also makes a great gift for your co-workers! Dial 1-800-GET-CLUE today, for a little tough love! We accept Visa or Mastercard, operators are standing by. Void where prohibited. Dial now!”

Brigid gave a wistful sigh. “You have an amazing ability to make life seem so simple, sometimes.”

“What can I say? Simple is as simple does.”

-The Gneech

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