May 10 2019

Fictionlet

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“Yo, Greg,” said Brigid, wandering into the kitchen.

“Hello, hello!” he replied, sipping at a coffee and tapping away at the laptop.

She raised an eyebrow, but shrugged and started rooting through a cabinet for the english muffins. “Soooo…?” she said.

“Hmm?” replied Greg, still tapping away.

“Go on,” she said.

“Go on about what?” She just looked over at him; his expression was befuddled. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Really,” she said.

“Yes, really,” he replied.

“Okay,” she said, turning to her breakfast. A moment of quiet followed.

“You know,” he added, “the Hogan’s Heroes theme song is actually an incredibly dense and layered composition. It’s a masterclass in themes and sub-themes!”

“There it is,” said Brigid.

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Oct 22 2018

Fictionlet

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Greg sat at the dining room table, tapping away on the lappie as Alex lounged on the couch messing with his phone. Quietly, and without fuss, Ozymandias hopped up onto the table, regarded Greg’s Moleskine with a vague air of contempt, and knocked it off the table before settling down into a loaf.

Greg paused, raised an eyebrow, and said, “Cats are nature’s perfect entropic engine.” He then continued typing.

Alex crinkled up his forehead. “Man, you are like peak 2007,” he said.

-The Gneech

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Oct 17 2018

Fictionlet

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“Due to the peculiar placement of a seam,” Greg said, “my waistband reads ‘Fruit of the Lruit.”

“What in the entire realm of all human experience might make you want to think I wanted to know that?” asked Brigid.

“What in the entire realm of all human experience might make you think that whether or not you want to know something is relevant to whether I will say it?” Greg replied.

“Have you considered the fact that if you were to die suddenly, it would take weeks before even your closest friends might notice if I were clever in hiding my tracks?” said Brigid.

“Point,” said Greg.

-The Gneech

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Mar 26 2018

Fictionlet

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“So a genie grants you a wish,” said Greg. “What do you wish for?”

Alex looked up from his taco. “Oh, that’s easy,” he said. “Unlimited, inexhaustible health and prosperity.”

“Yeah, okay, that’s pretty good,” said Greg.

Brigid shook her head. “Every movie ever made, retroactively to the beginning of time, and going on forever, no matter how good or how bad, has the same production values, the same script, the same special effects and soundtrack etcetera, but an all-woman cast and production crew. Citizen Kane? Women. Casablanca? Women. Star Wars, The Goonies, Logan’s Run. Not a man to be found. No other changes.”

Greg pondered this, then slowly nodded. “Okay,” he said.

“I want to change my wish,” said Alex.

-The Gneech

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PS: Bonus Fictionlet from Twitter!

Me: A joke about Black Panther and Toto. Go!
Brigid: “Watson, I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more!”
Greg: “I bless the reigns down in Africa!”
Brigid: Fuck.
#fictionlet

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Mar 01 2017

Fictionlet

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Brigid poked about at her cereal, as if she were trying to figure out what it was. “I had the weirdest experience this morning,” she said.

“Did it involve penguins?” said Greg. “Because if it didn’t involve penguins, I’m pretty sure it couldn’t have been the weirdest experience.”

“I was drifting in and out of consciousness,” she continued, completely disregarding his comment as was appropriate. “Every time I woke up, I felt like I was just this close to grasping something. Something important, you know? Something big. About myself, or the nature of the universe, something. But every time I started to really get it… I fell back asleep, and had to start all over again.”

“Vishnu had the same problem, if I remember correctly,” said Greg.

“What?” said Brigid.

“Huh?” said Greg.

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Apr 20 2016

Fictionlet

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Greg shook his head. “Everyone talks about how sophisticated continental Europe is, but I don’t see it. I mean, can you imagine if Prince had sung about how ‘She came in through the ausfahrt’?”

“Greg darling,” sniffed Isadora. “Would you do me the great favor of putting a sock in it? I am trying to have a conversation with my daughter.”

-The Gneech

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