To the tune of “Hotel California”

On a long British highway
damp wind in my hair
claps of ominous thunder
still hang in the air
Up ahead in the distance
a big, bouncy ball
What’s up with the pallbearer?
And unconscious I fall…

I woke up in my own room
or a facsim’le thereof
outside was wholly other
with choppers up above
It was all very pleasant
but my surroundings caused me strife
a stern guy with an umbrella
welcomed me to my new life…

Welcome to the Hotel in Portmerion
Get your button ‘fixed (Get your button ‘fixed)
You are Number Six (You are Number Six)
Come to the Green Dome at the Hotel in Portmerion
In case it isn’t clear
We Want Information, here…

They play mind games that are twisted
to their nefarious ends
Who is us and who is them?
After a while your mind bends
Stay within proscribed limits
don’t try to desert
Or Rover will hand you your *ss
When they call Orange Alert!

So I came up with escape plans
and every one of them failed
even when I thought I’d won
in the end I was nailed
Even when I got out of The Village and far away
I’d be snatched in the middle of the night
And be back the next day

Welcome to the Hotel in Portmerion
It’s for the Good of all (It’s for the Good of all)
Don’t be Un-Mutual (Don’t be Un-Mutual)
Be Seeing You at the Hotel in Portmerion
When all is said and done
Who is Number One…?

Cameras in the ceiling
and all over the place
We are all just Prisoners here
all we can do is pace
And in the masters’ chambers
The ending is such a twist
Who is Number One? Why
YOU ARE NUMBER SIX

Last thing I remember
I was running once more
I got into KAR 120C
and put the gas to the floor
Number Two is in Parliament
I’m such a fool to believe
Even if you somehow get released
You can never leave…

-The Gneech (“Be seeing you!”)

(Originally posted to my LiveJournal)

Behold the noble jackalope
vicious fangs and gleaming eyes
he lives a life of freedom
under western skies

a cousin of the pooka
that rare and skittish breed
the jackalope shares none
of their shrinking violet creed

For he has mighty antlers
and his jaws will never fail
to tear you a great big new one
if you mock his fluffy tail

But beneath this prickly honor
he is not an angry brute
in fact in normal circumstance
he’s actually quite cute

He is a strange enigma
that much is plain to see
a cuddly little bunny
who shouts “Don’t tread on me!”

So treat you well the jackalope
if you ever get the chance
underneath the western stars
to see his ancient dance

Be courteous and friendly
be respectful and be nice
or else you risk your neck
on the luck of ancient dice

I know from hard experience
I am not a ranting nut
I stepped upon a jackalope
and he kicked my sorry butt.

-The Gneech

(Originally posted in my LiveJournal.)