While significant variations exist between British and American usage, these are matters for quite rarefied concern. You say “parentheses” while we say “brackets” … but to people who call an apostrophe “one of them floating comma things” it just doesn’t matter very much.

–Lynne Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves

-The Gneech

Stupid contrarian brain! Don’t give me great ideas for projects I’ve shelved when I’m trying to force myself to stick with one!

Feh. Okay, I’ll write that down and put it into a fragment file with all the others. Then can we PLEASE make progress on the CURRENT project? Thank you.

-The Gneech

And because I don’t want you to think I’m all talk and no action, here is a teaser page:

[1]

I think I’m ready to get back to work.

-The Gneech

[1] Artwork copyright 2010 by me, color by Richard Wyatt. “Steamcycle” design by Leo Magna, used with permission. Thanks, Leo!

This, combined with the gear-grinding on Arclight Adventures, has led me to reflect on just what it is I want to accomplish with my creative endeavors, why it is that I do them — and why I seem to have been having difficulty with them lately. And I think I’ve discovered at least one psychological factor that’s been holding me back, i.e., “fear of commitment.”

Y’see, Suburban Jungle and NeverNever consumed so much of my life for so long, that there is a part of me that’s frankly afraid to get that wrapped up in something again. I loved doing my comics, don’t get me wrong, but there were plenty of times when it could also be a draining, demoralizing, downright painful experience, and part of me is shying away from that.

Another issue has been my own underlying motivation for doing the work, and here I have not been pleased with what I saw in the mental mirror. Y’see, for both NN and SJ, my motivation was that I loved the work — I was making those comics because I wanted them to exist, I thought they were good and worthy things that would make the world a better place by being in it. This has been less true of my more recent projects. In fact, at the end of the day, what has been motivating me lately has been ego.

I don’t want the entirety of my creative output to be “ten years of webcomics and done.” I don’t want the history of pop culture to say of The Gneech: “Known, by those few who do, as the guy who did The Suburban Jungle.” I want to leave a bigger footprint.

A natural feeling, perhaps, but a terrible reason to be doing any major undertaking. Somebody recently described me in my LiveJournal as “dedicated to my own epicness” — said as a joke, yeah, but it still had the sting of truth to it. I should be thinking about the work itself, and the readers out there who will hopefully get something out it, not about what it will do for my prestige and/or fragile egg of a sense of self-worth.

So … what to do about it? Well, for starters, I’m blowing away all of my current “projects” (which have been more placeholders than actual work anyway), except for the Short Story Geeks Podcast, because I have made a commitment to my fellow podcasters on that one and I intend to honor that. But for everything else, as of this blog entry, I’m no longer “working on X” for a half-dozen half-formed ideas.

Second, I’m going to look at each of the things I have been working on with a critical eye and determine which, if any, are actually worth doing on their own merits, rather than because I think it’d be “good for my career,” so to speak. If a project can actually justify its own existence, then I will add it to my to-do list, even if the due date is “sometime after 2015,” but if not, it’s going into the proverbial sock drawer indefinitely.

I do know of at least one project which will move up in the priority list, a YA collaboration with Mrs. Gneech, actually, which we’ve been talking about on-and-off for several years now. We recently sat down and hashed out a lot of things about it, to the point where I think we have a pretty good vision for what it should be like. It’s not something that really builds on anything I’ve done before (except in the vague sense of having some fantasy elements), nor really is likely to have immediate appeal to my established audience, but it is something about which I can confidently say its existence would be a +1 for the world.

As for what other projects will be added back in, I couldn’t tell you at this stage. If you have one you’d like to advocate for, I’d love to hear it!

-The Gneech

And then I sorta stopped talking about it.

And then the projected launch date wandered on by and shrugged when nothing happened.

I have had a few questions about it since then, so I figure I should go ahead and explain what happened for those who are interested. Long story short: it got mired in development heck. “Writer’s block” isn’t exactly an accurate description, but it does sorta apply.

Essentially, no matter how hard I tried, all of the ideas I came up with were turning the idea into something I didn’t want it to be. I have this problem occasionally: whenever I try to write songs, for instance, they always come out as country/western, and I hate country/western music. So the net result is I never write songs. In the case of Arclight Adventures, what I had intended to be a fun and over-the-top adventure comic kept turning into a grim and violent drama about the moreaus (who were supposed to only have the occasional subplot, not steal the show). Instead of Mission: Impossible [1] in Victorian garb, I was getting a treatise on man’s inhumanity to man.

I wasn’t happy with how the characters were developing, either. Fagin (the fox moreau) came out nicely, but I never was comfortable with John Dunn, and as things were developing, the character of Charlie was becoming less and less a character of her own but instead being defined by who her father was. In short, I was falling into the same old racefail/genderfail traps, but every time I tried to steer away from them, they just kept popping back up.

Eventually, I just got frustrated and stopped working on it, hoping that some time away would let me come back to it with a fresh perspective. So far, well, it hasn’t happened yet — but I’m hoping that the upcoming Dragon*Con will help. I fear that the only way to fix it will require a major tossing-and-redeveloping of the main cast, which is a painful process. At the end of the day, I may be better off to just do a different project all together, instead.

-The Gneech

[1] The cool and awesome original Mission: Impossible, not those crappy Tom Cruise movies.

The submission deadline is the end of July, so there are only four weeks to go. I’m confident I can be done in time, but if there are other writers out there who are looking at submitting for ROAR and haven’t gotten started yet, you might want to shake a leg!

-The Gneech