From the Desk Of: The Emperor Of the Universe

Please direct your attention to the following edicts:

  1. To more accurately reflect the truth, items formerly referred to as “Adult-Rated” will now be referred to as “Raging Hormonal Teenager-Rated.”
  2. All funds being spent on stupid, plotless, explodey movies will be diverted to world hunger, which should resolve the problem in about 20 minutes.
  3. All funds being spent on Twilight movies will be diverted to space exploration and colonization, which should have us permanently settled on Mars by 2016 (including travel time).
  4. J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek did not happen. Please remove all evidence to the contrary. (See also Edict #2.)
  5. Someone get us a sandwich.

As always, your cooperation in these matters is appreciated. Please continue to enjoy your pleasant lives under our benevolent rule.

-The Gneech