From the Desk Of: The Emperor Of the Universe
Please direct your attention to the following edicts:
- To more accurately reflect the truth, items formerly referred to as “Adult-Rated” will now be referred to as “Raging Hormonal Teenager-Rated.”
- All funds being spent on stupid, plotless, explodey movies will be diverted to world hunger, which should resolve the problem in about 20 minutes.
- All funds being spent on Twilight movies will be diverted to space exploration and colonization, which should have us permanently settled on Mars by 2016 (including travel time).
- J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek did not happen. Please remove all evidence to the contrary. (See also Edict #2.)
- Someone get us a sandwich.
As always, your cooperation in these matters is appreciated. Please continue to enjoy your pleasant lives under our benevolent rule.