• Despite What the Song Says, It Turns Out Killmo Dwaggins is Actually the Bravest Little Hobbit of Them All

    In the middle of the Earth in the land of the Shire
    lives a brave little hobbit whom we all admire
    but there’s an even braver one who lives just up the road
    but he kept his adventures secret so his family wouldn’t know, oh!

    Killmo, Killmo Dwaggins
    with a lowbrow country drawl
    Killmo, Killmo Dwaggins
    the actual bravest hobbit of them all

    Now hobbits are peaceloving folks y’know
    “Keep your adventures in the closet and on the down low!”
    But Killmo had some dwarf friends traveling to and fro
    and dragons kept eating up his buddies so they had to go

    So Killmo strapped on his sword and mail
    He couldn’t find a helmet so he used an old pail
    He had to keep it secret so he found a way to ‘morph:
    Killmo put on some false whiskers and became a dwarf, oh!

    Killmo, Killmo Dwaggins
    with a lowbrow country drawl
    Killmo, Killmo Dwaggins
    the actual bravest hobbit of them all

    Killmo was a better fighter than you might think
    He killed so many dragons that they’re all but extinct
    He was toasted and rewarded by all his dwarf pals
    And found out that it’s true what they say about dwarf gals, oh!

    Killmo, Killmo Dwaggins
    with a lowbrow country drawl
    Killmo, Killmo Dwaggins
    the actual bravest hobbit of them all

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