May 07 2008


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Brigid put her enormous leather bag down on her desk and was just lowering herself slowly down into her chair when a perky voice said, “Hi, Brigid, good morning, hello!”

With enormous effort, Brigid swiveled her head around to see the new girl Tammy? Sandy? Mary? Jeanie! hovering at her cubicle entrance. Jeanie was just as eager and enthusiastic now as she’d been all day yesterday and especially at her “welcome buddy” lunch, for which Brigid had drawn duty. “Hi, Jeanie,” Brigid croaked, then turned back to her computer and went through the heroic battle of willpower it took to push the damn button that turned the piece of crap on.

“You shoulda come with us last night!” said Jeanie. “A bunch of us all went over to El Guapo’s for drinks after work. It was so much fun! Karen and Vivian kept hitting on the bartender, even though he was obviously totally gay, and I tried out this new drink they have that’s kinda like a margarita, except it’s made with wine coolers and shaved ice and stuff.”

“Sounds great,” said Brigid. “What do you need?”

“Huh? Oh nothing, I just came over to say hello. Did you see that scarf thing that Karen had? Well no, I guess you wouldn’t, ’cause you weren’t there, but Karen had this scarf thing that was so cute. I asked her how much it was and she was all, ‘oh, I can’t remember, I’ve had this forever,’ but I was like, ‘pssh, yeah right, come on Karen.'”

“Mmmph,” said Brigid, using more effort than she had been hoping to expend on it.

“Vivian said that she saw a scarf just like it at Bloomie’s for like $75, and I was all ‘No way!’ I mean yeah, it was cute, but it wasn’t that cute, you know what I mean? Then she asked the bartender what he thought of it and he was all ‘I think it’s FABulous!‘ and then we knew he was gay. I mean, what kind of guy says a scarf is ‘FABulous’, especially like that? ‘FABulous.’ It was so hilarious, Karen turned about ten shades of red and we were all laughing so hard! Oh, and then there was this cute guy down at the other end of the bar. He was with a bunch of his pals, all losers of course, but Vivian decided to try to pry him away from them with a…”

What fresh new hell is this? Brigid groaned inwardly, and slid down into an inexorable faceplant on her keyboard.

-The Gneech

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