Apr 04 2006


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Brigid shook her head. “Some of these slash chicks are just ridiculous,” she said. “I guess it’s just harmless silliness when they realize it’s all in their heads, but some of them seem to think they’ve unlocked some secret code that the author ‘would have put there if narrow-minded society would let them.'”

“Uh huh,” said Greg.

“Forgetting for the moment that a lot of slash writers’ favorite targets were hardly averse to saying exactly what they meant,” Brigid said, “there’s the little matter that not everybody in the universe is fixated on sweaty fictional guy-on-guy action the way they are.”

“No!” said Greg. “I can’t believe that, surely not!”

She narrowed her eyes at him, smiling slightly. “But I guess it’s like anything else — when you expect to see something, you’ll see it whether it’s there or not. I bet somewhere out there right now there’s some James Bond fan who’s rewriting the scene in Goldfinger’s basement in her mind as a guard-seduction scene.”

“Goldfinger’s basement?”

“Yeah … Bond waves, winks, and gives a very pecular smile at the Chinese guard. To the slash writer mind, this is practically an overt declaration that Bond bedding every woman in the world is just him overcompensating … and obviously the guard’s first thought is, ‘Whoa, James Bond is totally coming on to me!'”

Greg chuckled. “At which point, Tiger Tanaka comes running up and cries, ‘But, Bond-san! I love you!‘ Maybe Bond just has a thing for Asian guys.”

Brigid winced. “Oh God,” she said.

-The Gneech

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