May 04 2011

Do the Voices in My Head Bother You?

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I meant to watch Dr. Who last night … it was the last really feasible window to do it in before my trip. And I just flat-out forgot. So I need to either carve out an hour for it sometime today or tomorrow, or be on vigilant guard for spoilers during the entirety of my U.K. trip.

I know this doesn’t sound like much of a crisis, but it’s sorta symptomatic of how things are with me right now. I’m forgetful, easily distracted, and feel like I spend a lot of my time fighting my way to a place where I can sit down and engage in something mindless … usually a sign that my brain is chewing on too much.

Some of it, I suspect, is continued grief on a subconscious level; my family in general and Dad in particular have been prominent in my dreams lately, and earlier this week I woke up wishing I could give my dad a hug. (And really, any time I can remember my dreams, it means my sleep is not very good. Dreams and I don’t have a happy relationship.) And some of it is also just the never-ending jumble of noise that’s always in my head and occasionally just wears me out. When the jumble of noise can be channeled into something productive, I get a book or something out of it … but the rest of the time, it’s just noise and it makes me tired.

I’m hoping that when the U.K. trip is off the table, that will free up some mental bandwidth and allow me to focus on getting some other things done and even — gasp — do some real writing again. I really need to put some serious work into finding a real project, settling on it, and getting somewhere with it. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels right now.

-The Gneech

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